Still kicking

[Sedge]

Condolences Merlin.

 

[itchybro]

yes sorry for your loss Merlin

 

[VinDeezle]

@Merl1n rough go mate. Hang in there. Nice to see an old face pop up.

On another note, Man i must have hit the lucky stick. I've had about 30-40 hospital stays over the last 10 years, 4 heart failures and a ton of organ failures due to lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. I owe the hospital system my life a few times over.

The public system has always been a1, from the first visit. Just walked into triage, they did me vitals and bloods immediately, said they look terrible and within minutes i was in a bed. Same every single time regardless of what hospital and what issue.

Never had a problem with the system and I wonder why so many others do. Normally all they have to do is a single blood test in the first half hour of being in triage and I'm in for a week with no questions asked. Wonder why so many others get the run around?

 

[VinDeezle]

Normally all it takes is a bad blood test and im immediately scheduled for full body MRIs the same day even if they gotta move me to a private hospital, a ton of tracer tests and all sorts of 10k treatments. No health cover here either.

Maybe it's a blessing to have messed up blood cause it seems like people in a way worse position seem to be littered all over hallways and wait in triage for near on a whole day.

Maybe I'm just an easy one to figure out.

 

[Mellow oldfark]

Was thinking about you just the other day mate, very sorry to hear your loss and condolences.

 

[VinDeezle]

Mate, I need to be far more thankful and appreciative after hearing Merl and Bob front up with such positive attitudes than I despite such challenging circumstances.

You guys are troopers.

 

[Merl1n]

Thanks people. I truly do appreciate the comments.

I don't know about 'trooper' status. I could easily curl up and give up or crawl inside a bottle and stay there. For me I think my former job brought me in contact with some of those 'Worst case scenarios' and if they can keep keeping on then what the hell have I got to be bitching about? Sure, I can look at the bloke next door, living a life of luxury and think why not me? but then by the same accord I could so easily be in my former client's shoes thinking 'thank christ that's NOT me...'. We all have to play the cards in life that we're dealt (Even if I think the damn deck is rigged sometimes) and as difficult as my hand has proven to be, there's always some poor bastard out there who's position is 100x, 1000x worse. I can't get health coverage either, but if I was living in the U.S., I'd already be dead.

I don't say any of this for a sympathy vote, not at all, but rather to give others a bit of a 'heads up'. Things may seem insurmountable atm, but have a look around and you'll find people in situations you and I can't even fathom.

P.S. I often have people tell me I look like shit and what I want to say is "You want to have a look from this side, 'cos what you can see is a micron of what I'm trying to manage..." but I try to smile and say something like "Yea, not real well. Nothing a bullet wouldn't fix tho... ha ha" and try to make light of it all. But inside I'm thinking "If they only knew..."

 

[Goonie Goat]

Thanks people. I truly do appreciate the comments.

I don't know about 'trooper' status. I could easily curl up and give up or crawl inside a bottle and stay there. For me I think my former job brought me in contact with some of those 'Worst case scenarios' and if they can keep keeping on then what the hell have I got to be bitching about? Sure, I can look at the bloke next door, living a life of luxury and think why not me? but then by the same accord I could so easily be in my former client's shoes thinking 'thank christ that's NOT me...'. We all have to play the cards in life that we're dealt (Even if I think the damn deck is rigged sometimes) and as difficult as my hand has proven to be, there's always some poor bastard out there who's position is 100x, 1000x worse. I can't get health coverage either, but if I was living in the U.S., I'd already be dead.

I don't say any of this for a sympathy vote, not at all, but rather to give others a bit of a 'heads up'. Things may seem insurmountable atm, but have a look around and you'll find people in situations you and I can't even fathom.

P.S. I often have people tell me I look like shit and what I want to say is "You want to have a look from this side, 'cos what you can see is a micron of what I'm trying to manage..." but I try to smile and say something like "Yea, not real well. Nothing a bullet wouldn't fix tho... ha ha" and try to make light of it all. But inside I'm thinking "If they only knew..."

Hang in there mate

 

[Merl1n]

I'm hanging (just waiting for trapdoor to drop)

 

[itchybro]

love your spirit & positivity Merl
a man amongst men

 

[Merl1n]

love your spirit & positivity Merl
a man amongst men

Thanks itchy, but that positivity is on a (wildly) sliding scale.
But I ain't no quiter. Hell, I can't even quit ciggies .

I used to work with people who were bedbound for life.


One lady had nothing but head movement, even her breathing was machine supported. We'd have to shower, dress, and feed her each and every day, then place her in her especially adapted wheelchair. She was a super intelligent person and would operate the chair with her chin on a joystick type device. She had an adaptive headset which she operated a computer with. Once she got in her chair, she was more independent than many 'normal' abled people. She came to our workplace each week to complete a client newsletter which she published. One night her respirator facemask came loose and she suffocated.

That's the sort of thing that stays with me, even years later. Don't ever underestimate. If she could, what's my issue??
Vale Kathy.

Merl1n

 

[itchybro]

Thanks itchy, but that positivity is on a (wildly) sliding scale.
But I ain't no quiter. Hell, I can't even quit ciggies .

I used to work with people who were bedbound for life.


One lady had nothing but head movement, even her breathing was machine supported. We'd have to shower, dress, and feed her each and every day, then place her in her especially adapted wheelchair. She was a super intelligent person and would operate the chair with her chin on a joystick type device. She had an adaptive headset which she operated a computer with. Once she got in her chair, she was more independent than many 'normal' abled people. She came to our workplace each week to complete a client newsletter which she published. One night her respirator facemask came loose and she suffocated.

That's the sort of thing that stays with me, even years later. Don't ever underestimate. If she could, what's my issue??
Vale Kathy.

Merl1n

you are one of the few who have experienced somewhere close to the full spectrum of human existence Merl , from the up lifting to the heart wrenching & everything in between

 

[benn0]

Condolences Merl, you've been through a lot

 

[Merl1n]

you are one of the few who have experienced somewhere close to the full spectrum of human existence Merl , from the up lifting to the heart wrenching & everything in between

Well, it's certainly given me an education itchy, much of which I could have done without and I would NEVER suggest anybody take the same route i did. For a long time I carried those experiences as a huge weight, one that damn near crushed me. I had to make a change. I'd been using them as a negative. I had to make them into a positive. I got a role as a youth worker and I could see these young fellas doing the same stupid things I had. I could talk to them from an experience level rather than a university textbook theory level. A lot of weight is given for having a degree, but the textbooks don't have all of the answers, nor do I, but that experience has 'a life' no book can contain. The clients respected that.

Then my brain decided to fart and shit itself and the whole arse dropped out of my world. I could have given up right then. EASY. But according to the Mrs, I'm too fuckin stubborn for that, this thing wasn't going to beat me and I pushed myself to recover. I got there, but the mental load was HUGE and that weight was back, weighing me down. How do I turn THIS into a positive? During my youth work I'd meet clients who... ...in very layman terms... ...the lift simply did NOT go to the top floor. My 'lift' was still working (well, parts of it anyway). I got a role teaching people with disabilities independent living skills. All the stuff most of us take for granted: How to cook, clean and look after ourselves in our own homes. Seems simple enough, right? But from one client to the next you never knew what new horror you might find. We worked in the client's homes rather than an artificial classroom. So we were in their environment, we saw it all. As I've said to others "I've seen the good the bad and the ugly... No, I mean the REALLY fucking ugly of human kind". Things that if I hadn't actually seen with my own two eyes, I would NEVER have thought possible.

This has all added up and although I'm no longer able to 'work', I'm always willing to share my knowledge/experience. If only one person can learn from and avoid the potholes I've fallen into... ...that's a positive for me. "Ahh, don't do that, 'cos I have and this is where it can lead.... ....Here, try a different way..." I've learnt if I do it for them, the task gets done, but they learn nothing. It's better to give them the knowledge and allow them to take the steps. That way if they fuck it up, you can track it back and identify the 'Fuck up', more learning. Then make adaptations to the steps so they avoid the 'Fuck ups' next time.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I DO NOT have all of the answers, not at all. But the sharing of knowledge costs us nothing.

Merl1n